walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
