I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
