Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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