I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
