dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
