i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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