I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
