when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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