Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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