I hate your face
Is it because I queefed?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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