A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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