She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize