I could make wine with my vomit
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So squirting runs in the family.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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