btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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