i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
