she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
