did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
