He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
