Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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