remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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