good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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