We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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