I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
