I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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