I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
