Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
