I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
