His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this beer tastes like vomit already
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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