Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
