Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
