The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
