Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize