sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
