I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There are leaves in my underwear?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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