It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
