Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
