So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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