i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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