Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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