my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
