I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
