Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
