stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he puts the penis in happiness.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
