Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The air taste purple.
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