were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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