the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
