I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
