I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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