I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
