There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
