Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
