You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
