Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just gift wrapped bread.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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