He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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