we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
