so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize