Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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