but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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