come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
