Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
