He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
