He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
